@1 year ago with 1667 notes
n. the practice of answering a cellphone with a generic “Hello?” as if you didn’t already know exactly who was calling—which is a little like the egg requirement that marketers added to early cake mixes in the 1950s, an antiquated extra step that’s only there to reassure you that it’s an authentic homecooked meal, just like grandma used to make.
Kate Helen: Things I feel very strongly about never having to pay for
@2 years ago with 1 note
-Stamps. Do you know how much stamps cost? The three times a year I actually have to send something in the mail, I’m sure as shit not going to buy a book of stamps for like $12 to send my grossly overdue student loan payment to the government.
When you buy a stamp, you send a love letter to civilization. The US Postal Service has faith that what you decide to mail is worth bearing hundreds or thousands of miles safely to its destination. It’s a testament to the ability of a country to compress space and time and to bring about order. Or, as is written on a particular New York City post office:
Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.
Now tell me that doesn’t wet the corners of your eyes.
@2 years ago
The bicycle is a devilish paraphernalia that destroys the youth – and lures them into rolling around on the roads every single night and on Sundays.
Parents and husbands no longer know where their children and servants are. They roam for miles to parties and dance, get drunk and uppity because of this gad about machinery. They fight and sin and impregnate girls from foreign parishes whom they don’t even know.
Recording incremental progress in my programming projects. P.
Regarding the Silly Text Adventure:
Tonight I re-wrote the command input engine to accept any string of text. It will understand and execute your desires so long as there is at least either exactly one cardinal direction in which to move you or exactly 1 item and 1 approved transitive verb to do to that item. Woo!
@2 years ago
do the MC Hammer Slide north
"We go forth sorrowful, knowing that wrong has been done. Will you extend to us your sympathizing regards until all traces of disagreeable oppositions are obliterated, and we again shall have confidence in the professions of our white brethren. Here is the land of our progenitors, and here are their bones; they left them as a sacred deposit, and we have been compelled to venerate its trust; it dear to us, yet we cannot stay, my people is dear to me, with them I must go. Could I stay and forget them and leave them to struggle alone, unaided, unfriended, and forgotten, by our great father? I should then be unworthy the name of a Choctaw, and be a disgrace to my blood. I must go with them; my destiny is cast among the Choctaw people. If they suffer, so will I; if they prosper, then will I rejoice. Let me again ask you to regard us with feelings of kindness. Yours , with respect, GEORGE W. HARKINS."
@2 years ago